How-To: Deal with Drunk Friends

How-To: Deal with Drunk Friends

When your friends mentioned music, dancing and drinks, they usually leave out tripping on flat ground, puking in a toilet bowl and then falling asleep on that same toilet bowl. But those are all very real possibilities of how your night might end especially if you’ve got a wild night planned.

If you are fortunately and unfortunately the soberest of them all, the default responsibility to see that everyone makes it through the night and gets home safely lies on your shoulders. Here’s a simple survivor guide on how you can help everyone survive the night.

Before Drinks

It seems ridiculous to plan for safety before the night starts, and it probably is if you’re just hitting a few beers at the bar. But if it’s going to be a big celebration with shots and spirits in the mix, a little pre-party planning can go a long way.

Pre-Party Meal
Meet your friends to get a hearty protein-rich meal before the party starts, as it slows down the alcohol absorption in your blood.

Plan in Place
Drunk people are not very good at finding each other. Even with smartphones, it’s likely you’ll end up with a string of incoherent auto-completes like “This me back let’s go kitchen chicken now”. It’s best to decide beforehand a spot to gather at a certain time, especially if you’re planning to move from place to place throughout the night. This makes it much easier to find each other if you do split up.

Also, you’ll want to make sure everyone has a plan to get home. Either by cabbing or through a designated driver, decide on a time to call it a day.

Pairing Up
Because when we are drunk we tend to regress to our kindergarten days, it’s only fitting to use a kindergarten practice. Buddy up before partying and never let your buddy leave the scene alone. This way everyone will be a little less lonely and a lot safer.

During Drinks

From becoming a little more social to becoming a full-fledged trainwreck, everyone gets drunk differently. So beyond keeping everyone hydrated, here are a few of the more troublesome drunks you’ll need to watch for and how you can deal with them.

Emotional Drunks

How to Spot:

  • Sudden mood swings.
  • Might cry over spilt milk, literally.
  • Overshares deeply personal stories.

How to Deal:

Most emotional drunks just need a listening ear. If there isn’t a scarecrow with an automated nodding head, you’ll have to take one for the team. Be mentally ready to warm your seat, like really warm your seat. Some keywords you’ll need to hold a conversation with your Emotional Drunk include ‘uh-huh’, ‘no way, really?’ , ‘I totally agree’. Also, try to resist taking pictures when your Emotional Drunk cries.

Rowdy Drunks

How to Spot:

  • Declares he isn’t drunk while stumbling onto the ground.
  • Converses in yells and shouts like it’s the last hour of his pasar malam booth and EVERYTHING MUST GO.
  • Is convinced that he can win any fight. Even against the wall. Will pick a fight with anyone over the simplest triggers.

How to Deal:

As the sober-ish one, you might also be called in to defuse any potential arguments or fights your Rowdy Drunk gets caught up in. If you don’t have a bouncer-sized physique to stop fights, your best bet is prevention. Pick a quieter corner with lower chances for provocation. If you spot another Rowdy Drunk in the distance try to shift your Rowdy Drunk’s focus to something else. 

Rowdy Drunks also tend to get more physical even towards their friends. It might be a friendly gesture but it doesn’t mean it’s not annoying or potentially painful. Your best bet is to not react and let your Rowdy Drunk’s fire extinguish. Any kind of reaction from your end will only fuel even more spine shattering back slaps.

Sleepy Drunks

How to Spot:

  • Eyelids seem permanently half closed and eyes appear glazed
  • Falls asleep on the table, in the toilet, on the floor. Anywhere really.
  • Might fly into a rage when asked to wake up. And then goes back to sleep.

How to Deal:

Sleepy Drunks are relatively trouble-free until it’s time to go home. Even though the Sleepy Drunk just sleeps through the night, it’s important to still keep an eye on him. Waking the Sleepy Drunk up can be difficult. It might take a lot to wake them up and when they do wake up, they might go drunken fist on you for interrupting their dreams.

With Sleepy Drunks, it’s all about timing. Keep an eye out for when their drowsiness kicks in. If you are able to catch them before they go full sleeping beauty on you, send them home. Otherwise,  it’s best to get your Sleepy Drunk’s address before the night starts and be prepared to take him home if necessary. Also, resist the urge to draw graffiti on his face.

Sleazy Drunks

How to Spot:

  • Becomes uncomfortably comfortable with strangers.
  • Really touchy, like master-pianist-on-a-grand-piano touchy.
  • Makes all sorts of vulgar and potentially offensive remarks like his mouth is on incognito mode.

How to Deal:

Sleazy Drunks have their libido in full swing. When watching out for your Sleazy Drunk, look instead at the expression on others around him. If they are drifting from politely sociable to politely uncomfortable, it’s time to jump in and pull your Sleazy Drunk out. Never leave your Sleazy Drunk alone and try to contain his potential to offend within your group of friends.

After Drinks

Heading Home
Depending on how drunk your friend is, you might have to send him home. If you’ve prepared right, you should have each other’s address and that should not be a problem.

Double Check
Call or text to make sure everyone has gotten home safely, just in case someone falls into a drain for some reason.

It’s not easy handling drunk friends when you are not exactly sober yourself. At the end of the day, it’s about understanding what kind of drunk personas find their way to the surface after a few drinks and preparing beforehand to avoid trouble.

If you’ve had too much to drink, jump on over here and deal with that nasty hangover.

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